How to Talk to Your Parents About Getting Help at Home
If you’ve ever tried to talk to your parents about getting help at home, or moving out of their home, you already know that it’s not an easy conversation. They might tell you they’re “fine.” They might insist they don’t need help. They might even accuse you of trying to take away their independence. Meanwhile, you’re lying awake at night, wondering if they’re safe, if the stove is still on, or if that “little fall” was actually a big warning sign.
These challenges and anxieties are exactly why I wanted to bring Laura Lynn Morrissey, founder of Silver Savvy, onto The Death Readiness Podcast today. She helps families navigate aging and care decisions with less conflict and more problem-solving. We talked about how to start these conversations with your parents early, how to identify the “influencer” in your family, and how to make decisions that protect your parents’ dignity and your peace of mind.
Here are the biggest takeaways.
1. Start the Conversation Before It’s a Crisis
If you take only one thing from this episode: don’t wait until there’s an emergency. Laura Lynn says the best time to talk about care is when everything’s fine, when you can discuss your parents’ preferences, not their problems. This approach means asking open questions like, “Hey Mom, I was organizing my own paperwork and realized I don’t know who you would want to help out if something happened. Have you thought about that?”
The goal isn’t to scare your parents; it’s to invite them in. When the conversation starts early, it’s calmer, clearer, and more collaborative. Waiting until someone’s in the hospital, or can’t manage stairs anymore, can create more stress, urgency, and regret.
2. Find the Family “Influencer”
Every family has the family “influencer,” and it’s not necessarily the eldest or the loudest. The influencer is the person your parents actually listen to, the one who can diffuse tension, build consensus, and gently steer the ship when emotions run high. Laura Lynn described a family she worked with who had six siblings. The oldest brother could get everyone on the same page, but it was one of the sisters who could truly reach their mom. Once those two worked together, everything clicked. If you’re not the influencer, that’s okay. You can still play a critical support role, but identifying who can get through to your mom or dad is step one.
3. Bring in a Neutral Expert
Sometimes families just can’t find common ground on their own. That’s when someone like Laura Lynn can step in as an objective, compassionate third party who can mediate between logic and emotion. She helps families evaluate safety at home, plan for assisted living, and even navigate complex dynamics.
Her advice: If it’s getting too emotional, take a step back. Let it simmer. You can’t push your parents, or your siblings, into change before they’re ready.
4. Safety Comes First (and There’s a Checklist for That)
Not everyone needs to move out of their home. Sometimes a few smart modifications make all the difference, like:
Grab bars in the shower
Motion lights for nighttime trips to the bathroom
Non-slip rugs or anchors under existing ones
Lowering a bedroom to the first floor
Silver Savvy even offers a Home Safety Checklist you can use to spot risks and start making improvements before an injury occurs.
5. What “Home Care” Actually Means
Home care isn’t just about companionship; it’s part of the healthcare system. And not all home care agencies are created equal. Laura Lynn helps families vet and select caregivers by interviewing agencies, checking credentials, confirming insurance coverage, and making sure someone trustworthy is coming into your parents’ home. You want someone your mom likes, but you also need someone licensed, insured, and qualified. A friendly companion isn’t enough if they can’t safely help your mom in and out of the shower.
6. Assisted Living Isn’t an Emergency Option
Assisted living isn’t what it used to be, and that’s both good and bad news. The good news is that it’s more focused on safety, social connection, and independence than ever. The bad news is that waitlists are long, really long, sometimes two to three years.
7. Hospitals Discharge Sooner Than You Think
Hospitals today discharge patients when they’re medically stable, not functionally able. This discharge standard means your parent might come home before they can safely walk, shower, or prepare meals on their own. Families are expected to coordinate “hospital-to-home” care, often with little warning.
Laura Lynn provides hospital-to-home checklists to help families prepare, everything from what medical supplies to have on hand to which home safety measures matter most.
8. The Fine Print on Long-Term Care Insurance
Owning long-term care insurance doesn’t mean your parents are “covered.” In fact, about 20–25% of claims are denied the first time around, usually because of incomplete documentation or poorly worded answers during the required assessment.
Laura Lynn’s advice is to be honest, but don’t minimize limitations. If your dad can’t tie his shoes anymore, that counts, even if he’s switched to slip-ons. If your mom can’t shower safely without help, that matters, even if she’s been sponge bathing instead.
Even after a claim is approved, most policies include an elimination period (usually 30, 60, or 90 days) where you’re responsible for paying out of pocket before reimbursements begin.
Dignity and Dialogue
The goal isn’t to take over your parents’ decisions; it’s to help them make choices that preserve their safety and their sense of self.
Check out Laura Lynn Morrissey’s free resources here.
Listen to the full episode here:
