How Hosting This Podcast Taught Me to Face Grief

You Can’t Opt Out of Grief

There’s a difference between talking about grief and living it.

My Uncle Charlie passed away at 81 after a short illness. When I first got the call, I didn’t cry. I told my husband what had happened, said I was fine, and went to bed. But the next day, when I saw photos of him on Facebook, the tears came. It was like my brain had finally caught up to my heart.

A few months ago, funeral planner Jamie Sarche joined me on the podcast to talk about why we can’t “opt out” of grief. She told me that people often try to skip the grieving process by skipping the ceremony, doing a direct cremation, keeping busy, or convincing themselves that “getting rid of the body” will make things easier. But grief doesn’t work that way. It waits for you.

When we skip the rituals that come with saying goodbye, we skip a part of healing, too.

Showing Up Instead of Skipping Ahead

In the days leading up to my uncle’s funeral, I thought a lot about what Jamie said, and about my own tendency to “keep moving.” I’m someone who plans. I like systems and solutions. But there’s no checklist for grief.

This time, I decided not to fast-forward through it. I showed up to sit beside my brother, to support my cousins and my Aunt Eileen, and to remember the man who built the family that helped build me.

My Uncle Charlie was steady, quiet, and funny in an understated, effortless way. He once helped me build “water shoes” so I could walk across a lake (I sank immediately). He carried his blind dog Velvet wherever she needed to go. He cheered me on at my state cross-country meet, waiting for me with a blanket the moment I crossed the finish line.

Uncle Charlie loved by showing up. And now, honoring him means doing the same.

Why Ceremony Matters

One of the things Jamie talked about was how being present with the body helps our brains process the reality of death. We think we’re protecting our families by saying, “Don’t make a fuss. Just cremate me.” But in doing that, we remove the opportunity for connection and closure.

Rituals, whatever they look like for you, help us face what’s real. They make space for memories, tears, laughter, and the awkward, beautiful mix of it all.

Grief isn’t logical. It’s not something to outsmart or organize. And when we allow ourselves to sit with it, to stop trying to tidy it up, we open the door to something deeper: gratitude.

The Takeaway

If you’ve ever thought, “I don’t want my family to make a big deal when I die,” I encourage you to listen to this episode. It might change the way you think about funerals and the way you show up for the people you love.

Listen to the full episode here: