From Problem-Aware to Solution-Aware: Why Families Get Stuck in Estate Planning

Most of us know we should have an estate plan.
But knowing there’s a problem doesn’t always mean knowing how to solve it.

That difference is the gap between being problem-aware and solution-aware, and it explains so much about why families put off planning, even when the need is obvious.

Planning-Resistant Parents Aren’t Necessarily in Denial

When Sara Ecklein invited me onto her podcast, The Legacy of Love, we talked about why so many aging parents appear resistant to planning: “They are aware of the problem. They are very problem-aware. But problem-aware is not the same thing as solution-aware. If we have a problem, we might […] do nothing about it because we don’t know how to solve the problem.”

Sara, who is a professional fiduciary, reflected on how often adult children misinterpret their parents’ resistance: “Usually once I get involved, I’m taking over from a family member who just no longer wants to do the job… and just because I’m not the daughter, right? Telling the parent what to do, it’s different. It’s received differently” from a professional.

Why Families Get Stuck

The family’s result is often a painful stalemate. Parents are deeply aware of the risks but don’t see a clear path forward. Children hesitate to push too hard. And the cycle of worry continues.

I even noticed this in my own life when one evening this past summer, I sat on the deck with my dad. “He said, “There’s something I’ve been worried about every day, all day long, for so many days.” He was very problem-aware. He couldn’t stop thinking about it, but he didn’t know how to solve it.

That moment drove home how easy it is for families, even mine, to get stuck in problem-awareness without action.

Moving From Awareness to Action

So how do we move forward?

“Go to your parents with a feeling of collaboration, a feeling of empowerment… It’s not coming at it from a sense of, okay, now mom and dad, you’re the problem. We both have a problem. We’re both gonna die someday. We’re both gonna get old. Let’s figure out how we can make this better for both of us.”

And when families need more support, bringing in a professional to bridge the gap from problem-aware to solution-aware—and even better, accomplish the transformation to a solution—is what families need.

More Than Documents

At the heart of it, estate planning is never just about legal papers. It’s about protecting relationships and legacies, and, most importantly, the people at the center of the estate plan.

As Sara put it so beautifully at the end of our conversation: “Naming the problem is only the first step—guiding towards a solution is where the real change happens.”

Check out this short clip from our conversation:

If this resonates with you, I encourage you to listen to the full conversation on The Legacy of Love Podcast. We go deeper into what it looks like to guide families from awareness into action, and why that action is so crucial.

Listen to the full episode here: