What to Do with a Dead Body, Who’s in Charge, and Who Pays
I went to a wake earlier this week. Even as the host of The Death Readiness Podcast, I don’t like attending wakes. I walked in, avoided the casket, and went straight to the family to offer my condolences.
On my way out, I saw the grandkids, about my daughter’s age. I told them I’d see if they could come over for some lake fun and dinner the next night. Because sometimes, kids need to be kids, even when grief is hanging heavy in the air. And, a grieving family needs a moment to step away from decisions, even for just an evening.
When someone close to you dies, even if it’s expected, it knocks the wind out of you. You’re left juggling grief and logistics all at once.
Who Do You Call First?
This week, I spoke with funeral director Jamie Sarche to better understand what actually happens when someone dies. Here are a few key takeaways:
If someone dies at home without hospice care, you call 911.
If someone dies at home with hospice care, you call the hospice nurse, who will pronounce death and contact the coroner.
Either way, the coroner must be notified before a funeral home can pick up the body.
Why Some People Skip Funerals and Why That Can Backfire
I used to think funerals were just fluff. An expensive ritual that didn’t really matter. But Jamie explained something that shifted my thinking: funerals aren’t for the person who died. They’re about the deceased person, but they’re for the living.
Grief researchers have found that people who skip ceremonies often struggle more in the long run. Without rituals to acknowledge the death, share stories, and find meaning, grief can harden. It gets stuck, becoming what’s known as complicated grief.
The Financial Reality
Funerals aren’t cheap, and paying for them in advance isn’t possible for everyone. But if you’re thinking about planning ahead, here are some considerations:
Pre-planning can lock in today’s prices. Funeral costs tend to double every 7-10 years.
Pre-paying doesn’t mean you’re stuck. Many funeral prepayment plans are structured as life insurance policies that transfer if you move.
Without planning, your family may need to pay out-of-pocket and seek reimbursement from your estate later, which can take months, or longer, and isn’t guaranteed in full.
Finding a Middle Ground
If you’re worried about burdening your family with funeral expenses, you’re not alone. But as Jamie shared, simply saying “don’t do anything for me” might leave your loved ones without the comfort and community they need to process your death. Funerals don’t need to be flashy. They just need to give people a path forward. A space to gather, grieve, and remember.
Take this with you.
The emotional toll of death is real. But the logistical toll can be just as heavy if we haven’t prepared. Planning ahead is a gift to the people you love, not to make it easier, but to make it gentler.
Listen to Episode 18 here:
