How Our Favorite Movies Trained Us to Accept Less
When you think about “estate planning,” old rom-coms probably don’t come to mind. But maybe they should. Because for many of us, the movies we grew up watching taught us more than we realized, especially about what we’re expected to accept.
These movies quietly trained us to accept less: less agency, less credit, less space, less support. And those lessons show up everywhere, from hospital rooms to attorney meetings, from caregiving roles to family finances.
In Episode 15 of The Death Readiness Podcast, I take a closer look at these cultural scripts, and how they still shape the way many women carry the emotional and logistical weight of family life.
The “No” That Doesn't Count in Groundhog Day
At 12, I watched Groundhog Day and laughed. As an adult, the story feels very different. Bill Murray’s character doesn't simply pursue Andie MacDowell’s Rita; he wears her down. No matter how many times she says no, he keeps pushing until he finally “wins.”
The message is that “no” doesn’t mean “no.” It means try harder, be more charming, persist.
These messages don’t stay on the screen. They bleed into our relationships, our caregiving roles, our workplaces, and our estate planning. We’re taught to stay quiet, to keep everyone comfortable, to take on more without asking for the tools or the resources we need to get the job done.
Three Men and a Baby and the Built-In Caregiver Myth
Then there’s Three Men and a Baby. Grown men, completely helpless in the face of an infant, immediately call women to fix it. The assumption? Women will always know what to do. With babies. With aging parents. With paperwork. With funerals.
If we don’t automatically know how to handle it all, we feel like we’re failing. But you haven’t failed. The system set you up to carry more than your share, often without any real guidance or support.
What Miss Congeniality Taught Us to Overlook
When I watched Miss Congeniality recently with my 14-year-old daughter, she noticed what I once ignored. The butt slap and the virtual strip of female FBI agents that played for laughs.
At 18, when I first watched the movie, I accepted these moments as normal. My 14-year-old daughter doesn’t. And every time she names what’s not okay, she helps break down the unspoken rules I once absorbed.
Taylor Swift Puts It Into Words
On a recent drive to school, my daughter queued up Taylor Swift’s The Man.
“I’m so sick of running as fast as I can, wondering if I’d get there quicker if I was a man.”
If you’ve ever carried the caregiving load, scheduled the doctors’ appointments, and followed up on the paperwork while wondering who’s looking out for you, you know exactly what she means.
Death Readiness Is About Taking Your Space
Yes, we talk about wills, trusts, powers of attorney and healthcare directives. But Death Readiness is about more than documents. It’s about claiming your space. Honoring what matters to you. Deciding how you want to be cared for. Naming what you will and will not accept.
What This Looks Like in Real Life
Stephen and Sally are clients who put off estate planning for decades. Grandkids, home renovations, and life all got in the way. I helped them inventory assets, find an attorney, schedule meetings, translate legal jargon, and move the process forward. Not by pushing, but by partnering and making it manageable.
This work is not just legal. It’s relational. It’s human.
Start Small with a Free Video
I created a free video – Do You Need a Will? — to help you understand what a Will actually does (and doesn’t do).
Check it out and let me know what you think.
Listen to Episode 15 here:
