What I Learned from Planning My Own Funeral

If you’ve ever wondered what’s really in an urn, whether cremation is actually “green,” or what happens when no one claims the ashes? You’re not alone. I’ve worked in trusts and estates for more than a decade, and even I didn’t know the full story behind funeral planning until recently.

That changed when I sat down with Jamie Sarche, Director of Pre-Arranged Funeral Planning at Feldman Mortuary in Denver, Colorado for Episode 13 of The Death Readiness Podcast - What You Need to Know About Embalming, Cremation, and Eco-Friendly Funerals. Jamie walked me through planning my own funeral. And I learned a lot.

The Myth of “Eco-Friendly” Cremation

For years, I assumed fire cremation was the environmentally responsible choice. Fewer resources, less space, no casket—done. But Jamie pulled back the curtain:

• Fire cremation uses enough gas to fuel a cross-country road trip.

• Mercury from dental fillings gets vaporized into the atmosphere.

• And the “ashes” we scatter? Not ash. It’s ground bone—and it's acidic, not great for soil or water.

So what are the greener options? Jamie outlined two:

 ·       Water cremation (alkaline hydrolysis) – gentle, low-energy, and leaves behind nutrient-rich bone meal

 ·      Natural organic reduction (aka body composting) – a slower, above-ground process that turns your body into usable soil.

Both are legal in Colorado, though not yet available in every state.

Embalming: What Are We Doing (and Why)?

We also talked embalming—and why we’re still doing it. Most people assume it’s required. It’s not. In fact, embalming isn’t legally necessary in most cases, and it exposes both the environment and funeral workers to toxic formaldehyde.

So why do people still do it? Habit. Tradition. Misinformation. But as Jamie reminded me, we have options.

What Pre-Planning Really Looks Like

If you’ve ever thought, I’d love to plan ahead, but I don’t want to walk into a funeral home and get stuck in a PowerPoint presentation, this episode is your shortcut.

Jamie shared the kinds of real, grounded questions she asks clients:

• Burial, cremation, composting, or something else?

• What should you wear? (Yes, your outfit matters. I voted pink tracksuit for my mom when she died but was overruled by my family.)

• Who’s in charge of the memorial?

• Where should your remains go—assuming you don’t want to end up in a box in your kid’s closet next to the holiday decorations?

We also talked about the psychology of death—the way we try to protect our loved ones from feeling cold in the cargo hold of a plane, or how “tucking them in” during a burial can be more comforting than we expect.

It’s not about morbidity. It’s about meaning.

Why This Matters (Especially for Women Like Us)

If you're the go-to person for your parents’ appointments and your kids’ everything—you know how fast the to-do list grows, and how tempting it is to push these conversations off.

But I’ll tell you this: the worst time to figure this stuff out is when someone has already died.

Whether you're just curious, completely overwhelmed, or finally ready to make a plan, my conversation with Jamie is a helpful place to start. No pressure. Just real talk, grounded in what matters most.

Listen to Episode 13 here:

Resources and Links:

·       Jamie’s speaking engagements:

o   TEDx talk: Breaking down the taboos about death

o   Death Rituals: Creating Jewish Life

·       Jamie’s Body Talk article

·       Jill’s Obituary Writing Tool – A guided resource for drafting an obituary using ChatGPT

·       Noble podcast

Connect with Jamie Sarche:

• Director of Pre-arranged Funeral Planning at Feldman Mortuary
  Email: jamie@feldmanmortuary.com