Ceremony Matters: A Listener’s Story of Saying Goodbye
Every so often, I hear from listeners who remind me exactly why I do this work. Last month, one person reached out with a story that is both heartbreaking and beautiful, an example of how knowledge, community, and conversation can transform the way we navigate loss.
This listener wrote:
“Wanted to let you know, I'm learning so much from your podcast. Today I had to have my beloved 19-year-old cat, Anouk, put down. I buried her right in our backyard beneath a dogwood tree, in a compostable bag.
Before listening to the episodes with Jamie Sarche, I probably would have chosen cremation, and skipped any kind of ritual. Instead, we painted rocks, tossed flowers, played her walk-up song, and each said goodbye in our own way.
I read a long, emotional letter. My husband joked about the time she knocked a mug of tea on him in the middle of the night. Our 5-year-old waved and said, ‘BYE CAT!’ And our 1-year-old tried to crawl into the hole with her, lol.
It was perfect. And exactly what I would have wanted, but wouldn’t have considered before learning about green burials and the importance of ceremony.”
Why Ceremony Matters
At its core, this story isn’t just about a beloved pet. It’s about the power of ritual. When we create ceremony, whether formal or improvised, we give ourselves and those around us space to grieve, to remember, and to celebrate meaningfully.
Without ceremony, loss can feel flat, unfinished, or even silenced. But with it, grief is allowed to breathe. Even something as simple as painting rocks, tossing flowers, or telling stories becomes a way of saying: this life mattered, this love mattered.
Choosing What Feels Right
Additionally, what struck me about this listener’s story is her reflection that, without exposure to these conversations, she likely would have defaulted to a quick, conventional choice—cremation. She later shared with me that her veterinarian never mentioned green burial as an option, perhaps because it’s relatively taboo and because it costs nothing. The choices that were presented (home or in-office euthanasia, group or private cremation, paw prints or keepsake charms) all carried a price tag. Instead, she paused, drew on what she’d learned, asked about the possibility of an eco-friendly burial, and ultimately chose a path that felt more aligned with her values.
This is the heart of Death Readiness. Not expecting tragedy, but preparing ourselves with knowledge and openness so that, when the moment comes, we are empowered to choose what feels right, for us and for the ones we love.
A Final Goodbye
Nineteen years is a long time to love and be loved by an animal. Anouk’s life was honored not only in her final resting place, beneath a beautiful dogwood tree, but also in the memories shared aloud and the rituals created by her family.
Death Readiness isn’t abstract. It’s personal. It shows up in backyards and living rooms, in the way we tell stories, and in the choices we make when love and loss collide.
Rest in peace, Anouk. 💛
For easy reference, here are the episodes with Jamie Sarche that impacted this listener:
Episode 13: What You Need to Know About Embalming, Cremation, and Eco-Friendly Funerals
Episode 18: What to Do with a Dead Body, Who’s in Charge, and Who Pays
You can access Jamie Sarche’s take on the 6 Needs of Mourning here.
